I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I have demons in me.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
