Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize