she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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