Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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