i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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