im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
