I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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