Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
