you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
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So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
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How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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