he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
