Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
