Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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