A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
