ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
