Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
