I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
