dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize