Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
