I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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