I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
