Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
