its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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