wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
