my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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