So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
