My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
