Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
