I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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