Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There's always time for handjobs
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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