She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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