she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
