Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
