First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
