Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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