How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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