What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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