cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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