I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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