this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You've changed since you got that strap on
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
