we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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