I wish my penis had an off switch
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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