theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
