The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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