bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i wish my penis had a tongue
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
