My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
