im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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