I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize