and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
