Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
NoShamevember. You game?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
