I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
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he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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