friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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