I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
