i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
