I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Found your dick twin last night
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
