i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
