how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
