Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
