shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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