she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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