Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
