My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
