I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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