Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
