I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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