trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
