I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
