Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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