I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
