drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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