Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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