smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
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Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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