Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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