once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
