Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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