His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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