she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
