drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
